Boobies & that word …

A year ago my mother  had been thru a lot after being diagnosed with breast cancer, Apparently she had this lump in her right breast for some time and a doctor told her years ago when she questioned it not to worry but to watch it. Years later that same lump stayed it size until the past few years, Then she asked me about it.

As a female I guess we are all in that same boat of wondering just what type of lump are we exactly expected to feel and know its time to visit a GP/Doctor in regards to it. When I asked years ago all I was told was a lump the size of a pea is a concern but Boobs are all fat and tissue and  they feel lumpy no matter  so it  something I never been sure until My mother asked me to touch a lump she had.

This lump was her right upper breast so higher than expected but It was the size of a pea, and hard, firm hard. I was terrified I’d hurt her But I instantly said Doctors. My brain  at the time as a scrambled egg, Shock and fear all in a emotion but my brain Slapped those emotions to the side and I started to be her Strength, Her  Go to person, Her best friend for what was to come. From that moment my own emotions here shoved aside and forgotten about. She was scared, terrified there was times at the Doctors when it come to surgery decisions she was hoping I’d have answers, But I couldn’t these choices had to be hers and I had to take each step with her. It was like watching a tennis match as the ball was patted across the court but with my mom and her doctor, The possibilities.

She had Stage3 Cancer and had her right breast removed her possibilities of fear, She could have passed away on the table due to her age, {She will be 80 this September!} It was all a very emotional time of  unknowing. But i had to stay strong through this ordeal and time or my mom. She gave me live, raised me made sure my brother & I had all we needed while growing up, It was the least as her first born I could do was be there.

In this whole time my emotions never came out until I watched a video of Markiplier. That video was about a lil’ game called “That Dragon. Cancer” watching and listening to mark Really touched the old emotions and I could relate to his own story however at the time My mom was still fighting but the waterworks had been triggered and the flash flood of emotion slammed like a rough seas for a viking longboat on sail. It was a Bitter sweet pill and I had to swallow it whole.  I didn’t have my brother to lean on as he wasn’t here my own father said I could call him when ever but seriously who wants to discuss an ex? so i never took that option either instead my own ex ended up being the one to talk to, Simply put his own mother lost her breast in her 40’s to the same topic. Breast Cancer. I had been told years ago about it But there was this evening when I by passed her in the hallway of her house she was in her night wear and it was visible something wa different to that any women. I never seen anything of it pry to that day. Being polite i even asked her about it but my emotions must had made my ex at the time feel he owed an explanation. Over the years his Older sister would explain and so would his mom. So The terrifying truth is some day this ugly beast may rise again in my life, i have a chance  just as my daughters have a higher chance of having to experience this.

But there been times I still cant tolerate the topic Cancer especially on TV, Anything on the net I managed to bypass because its those share things on Facebook. but this post is the first solid I been about to post about it. I’m sure some one out there feels as I have done, I’d hope they feel Ok and I send my thoughts with them on their journey of this topic.